Amber here, and it was very tempting to use a fake photo.
Yes, that’s me, sweating in the Southern heat of Cajun Country, where I was born and raised. I’ve lived a thousand lives since then: studying business & politics in Copenhagen, moving to Chicago to be a professional writer, actor/improviser, & brand consultant, coming back home to finish a novel about a pandemic right before a pandemic actually started (felt like I was living in Jumanji, if we’re honest)… Then I became an herbalist, honeybee expert, and quantum biology maven, etc, etc… I’ve taught courses, worked with clients, gone on podcasts, the whole shebang!
I am also a recovering self-martyr (like most eldest daughters, I would imagine). But while that little detail has led to some intense life experiences (e.g., practically killing myself to increase sales for publicly traded companies, salvaging startups and creative businesses, getting a governor elected, and writing about U.S. Supreme Court cases), it’s no longer a defining factor of who I am. And changing that started when Christopher ran my journal entries through his “machine,” helping to decode what my writing had been trying to tell me all along.
More than that, by decoding my language, I was better able to understand myself and all the ways I had settled for so much less than I deserved, across my career, relationships, and even family dynamics. That was the major turning point in my life—because not only did I join forces with Christopher through Stealth Dog, but we also decided to get married, realizing that, based on our reports, we were a perfect match. And I’m happy to say that it has been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
That’s why we’re offering The Self-Martyr Test as a gateway to a new way of being & thinking. I personally know the difference this tool has made in my life, and I know that it can help you too—whether you want to trust your intuition more deeply, get unstuck, or simply figure out what the hell is going on. The first step is simply to subscribe and see how it works for yourself.
(Also, I have been a fan of the em dash since college, so I’m not stopping now!)
This is Christopher. He builds cool stuff.
Hi again — it’s Amber. Surprise! Christopher doesn’t write things, so let me tell you about him. (Yes, he’s my husband, so it’s allowed.) Christopher was supposed to be an engineer, but discovered that he was really, really good at abstract mathematics. Oddly enough, that came in handy with the whole Internet thing, and soon, he had built parts of Google. But as he continued his career, he kept running into “Fred Flintstone-types.” These were people who just didn’t “get it,” no matter how hard he tried to get them to understand (including, but not limited to, data, whiteboards, metaphors, begging, pleading, trying desperately to educate, and screaming into the void against the trends of Idiocracy). So he started building a machine. Think of it like The Imitation Game—he wanted to decode the way people think so he could avoid the people who didn’t. It took 15 years to build, while he was taking care of his parents while they both had Alzheimer’s, but here we are. If you’re ready to give the machine a whirl, all you have to do is subscribe.
P.S. Christopher was born and raised in downtown New Orleans. Not Metairie. Not Chalmette. Not Kenner. Not the Wank. We’re talking “we can’t get the pumps to work” New Orleans. “My grandfather shucked oysters at Pascal’s Manale” New Orleans. “Raised on Angelo Brocato’s cannolis” New Orleans. “I started a Mardi Gras krewe of shoebox floats and mine caught on fire during the parade, landing me in the New York Times” New Orleans. “I got sued by Rex” New Orleans. “I’ve cooked the food thrown at me during the St. Patrick’s Day parade” New Orleans. “I gave a tour to Peter Santenello that’s gotten over 2.9M views and now I can’t go to Martin Wine Cellar without getting recognized” New Orleans. If you love the city as much as we do, let’s chat.
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Yes, we’re real people.
No, this isn’t AI.
And yes, we will always be friends to the water and bees.
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Frequently Asked Questions
What is this?
The Self-Martyr Test and the 6 Workplace Mysteries are all solved using a basic language calculator we devised for these measurements, based on language psychology & math.
It’s not AI?
Nope. None of our calculations are based on artificial intelligence. Now, we can help you use AI better, but that’s a totally different conversation.
Can I put any language in these calculators?
NO! Do not use AI language. Only human language that’s either written or spoken then transcribed. And if you’re going to run someone else, only use PUBLIC language (e.g., socials).
Is my information safe?
When you get you Self-Martyr score, or any other calculation, it’s all done locally on your machine. We don’t receive or store ANYTHING. We don’t even see your results. They’re yours.
How do I know it works?
We've validated these calculations across 107 million people and 1.3 million businesses — this is work we live and breathe every day, and clients consistently call it “amazing.”
Is it free?
YES! The Self-Martyr Test and the 6 Workplace Mysteries are completely free! But please, instead of sharing the links directly, get your friends to subscribe. Thanks!